As the above title says,
I am finding all this rather stange.
Not strange that I`m committing thoughts to paper, more strange that the thoughts are connected with my condition.
For those of you who already know me, and are expecting a tirade of abusive language, don`t worry, that will follow. But first, allow me to introduce myself.
I`m Irish, 43, 44 next February, I was diagnosed with teh CFs at 3 months old, mainly because I have a brother who is 6 years older than me. And who is a cunt.
I have worked since the age of 17, put myself through education, in fact I just finished a night course earlier in the year, and only received the certficate yesterday. I received a distinction, by the way. Not that that means much ,I`m sure they give distinctions to anyone who looks interested enough.
I used to work in managment retail, but had to drop a gear or two in the last year, my engine hasn`t got the horsepower anymore, but, as myself and my long term partner have a mortgage, I need to keep bringing in the Benjamins.
We have no kids, but 3 cats, live in a modest ground floor apartment in North Dublin, I work in the city, I like it, Monday to Friday, no late nights, no weekends, and they`re mostly good people. Mostly.
Now, onto the real reason this is in existence.
C.F. sucks, it`s a no-win condition, it jumps on your back like an AIDS riddled chimpanzee, and screams in your face.Every. Fucking. Day. It`s relentless, even when you`re having a super awesome, bags of energy day, make no mistake, it`ll creep up and cosh you from behind with a lead pipe. Woke up feeling half decent? Boom, clear your schedule, you`re going to be shitting for the first hour.
Feeling like you can actually go somewhere nice on such a gorgeous day? Kapow!!! Here`s a coughing spasm so heineously public, you will assuredly have that train carriage to yourself. After everyone looked at you like you just declared you were a serial killer first.
Just blew a 80%+ on your PFTs? Don`t worry, we`ll see you when the first damp weather hits.
What a lot of people who DON`T have C.F., or any serious illness don`t understand, is, that you never get a day off. Never. What really grinds my gears are these sanctimonious, self serving, mewling fucks who say, "I don`t have C.F., but I live with/ love/ know/ am related to/ someone who does, so I know what it entails".No. No, you don`t. I know a Chinese guy quite well, does that mean I`m going to suddenly start discussing the career of Jackie Fucking Chan with him, or how I`m bummed out that we`re always told that we look the same?
And as for all these people who try to tell me, or us, how to behave, how to act, how to live with this condition, please, do me a favour, and just fuck off right now. For most of us, this IS how we cope. The humour, the vulgarity, the profanity, and the seeming irreverant tone we adopt is our way of trying to make sense of the non-sensical.
I have never taken the fact that I was born with this condition personally, but I do take people`s efforts to try to get me to "be nicer" to those who spew their unwanted, and unwelcome advice, very personally. Until you`ve walked a mile in a Cystic`s shoes, shut the fuck up with your comments, thoughts, and most especially, happy little nuggets of bullshit you think we oh so desperately need to hear. Because, ladies and gentlemen, in my opinion, the dirty little secret is, that most non C.F. people tend to leap to the defence of a sufferer, because they`re guilty. Guilty of thinking, "Thank fuck I haven`t got it". And that`s fine with me, if I hadn`t got it, I`d look at C.F. people the same way I look at people in wheelchairs, i.e., "Thank fuck that`s not me". Or Red Haired Step Children. (involuntary shudder).
In closing this first post, I`ll try to do one a week for anyone that`s interested, though I may just go and pull the plum off myself instead, I`ll leave you with this. Very few C.F.s ask for help, most just want to be treated like any other joe, and all SHOULD be treated like regular people, as much as possible. We`ll appreciate it more in the long term. And so will you.
